| Happy (early) Mother's Day |
[Feb. 20th, 2007|05:17 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pleased | ] |
It is hard for most people who haven't lived through it to understand the dynamic that occurs in a household where a husband is physically violent towards his wife and/or children. Because it's hard to understand that dynamic, it is virtually impossible for most people to grasp why she "just doesn't leave him". The ironic thing is that in these situations, the physical abuse is the less damaging. Unless he kills her, which is not outside of the realm of most abusive relationships, most of the wounds inflicted eventually heal. It's the emotional abuse that does along with that scenario that lasts forever.
Case in point: my mom. My dad beat the living hell out of her on a regular basis until us kids were old enough to physically step in and stop it. And eventually she did divorce him, but not until he was sent to prison in Arizona. Yes, there were many, many times before then that when the police were called, and many nights that he spent in jail, and even times where we lived in a battered woman's shelter. But she always went back to him, or took him back, and to this day I firmly believe that she never would have left him had the universe not stepped in and intervened.
Why did she stay, you wonder? Because he had her convinced that she would wither and die without him. Literally. Sounds obscure to most of us, I know. But you take someone who is young (16), naïve about the world, desperately wants someone to love her, and has extremely low self-esteem; then you tell that person endlessly for fifteen or so years that they are incompetent, not worth anyone else's love, and that ultimately they are nothing without you, and it's not too hard for them to believe it as fact. And she did. That's why no matter how many apologies my dad thrust forth whenever he'd get sober, I don't think I'll ever be able to see him as less than human – how could anyone with a heart or a conscience actively convince another person that they are worthless?
So it may seem small to most people, but I nearly wanted to burst into tears this weekend, because my mom bought her first home! This is so huge that I can't even wrap the words around it – for so many years he had her convinced that she wouldn't even be able to pay the electric bill without him, and now she is buying her first house all by herself! So in her honor, I thought I would list all of the things that she has been able to do without him (who knows, maybe it will inspire someone else):
- Finish raising three kids.
- Send all of those three kids to college, and watch all of them graduate.
- Help raise three grandchildren.
- Move her sister & her kids out of a similarly violent situation.
- Get sober and stay sober for 20 years (more than he can ever say).
- Survive cancer.
- Pay all of her bills. On time.
- Buy a new car.
- Get her car fixed when it has problems.
- Buy furniture for her apartment without going in to hawk.
- Get promotion after promotion at work.
- Go back to college (or rather, go for the first time).
- Clean up her credit (most of it his doing).
- Get approved for a mortgage.
- Buy a house!
I am so proud of her that it's hard for me not to well up with tears when I think about it. I can't wait to help her move in to her first house. :) |
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| Guilty pleasure meets old passion |
[Jul. 19th, 2006|09:05 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  nostalgic | ] |
Ok, so I have to admit a little guilty pleasure of mine -- I love So You Think You Can Dance on Fox. LOVE IT. Maybe it's because I love to dance, even though I know I'm not that good -- I just love to get in touch with my body that way. Or maybe it's the freedom of self-expression that always came when I was lighting dance. Either way, I LOVE that show. It's a great mix of due praise, constructive critisizm (which I think 'Idol' severly lacks), challenges and growths for their dancers, as well as a really well-done method of "audience voting". Just all around good. And sadly enough, the lighting for me thus far had just been "eh". Nothing to write home about.
But not tonight! Fantastic lighting -- much more theatrical, which these routines needed. Forget the constant full-stage lights and predicatable rhythmic light bumps -- tonight's lighting was all about mood and sculpture and drama and texture -- all of the GREAT things that lighting can be -- in all of the great ways that lighting can enhance a performance and take it to that new level... ::sigh:: Yes, sometimes, I really do miss it. So I just wanted to say, "Bravo, Robert Barnhart! Bravo!". |
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| Insomnia |
[Jul. 14th, 2006|12:36 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  frustrated | ] |
Well, it's after midnight once again, and once again I still can't sleep. So while watching The Discovery Channel out of one eye, I'm doing a little surfing with the other one... Found this cool meme at a cool, albeit random, blog:
1. How old do you wish you were? I liked 25. Old enough to know enough, not too old to feel so old.
2. Where were you when 9/11 happened? Staying at my friends' Bryan & Amy's house while they were out of town & I was working on a show in San Diego. I woke up & checked my email & there it was on My Yahoo home page, the weirdest headline I have ever seen: "World Trade Centers Fall".
3. What do you do when vending machines steal your money? Kick 'em.
4. Do you consider yourself kind? Not really. I know that sounds weird, but I usually am not very tactful in some stuff that comes out of my mouth, so it can easily be seen as unkind.
5. If you had to get a tattoo, where and what would it be? If I had to get another tattoo, it would be the sun/moon design that's currently the background on my MySpace page, between my shoulder blades.
6. If you could be fluent in any other language what would it be? Sign language.
7. Do you know your neighbors? Yes, her name is Sharon & she reminds me of my mom.
8. What do you consider a vacation? Anytime I forget I have a job.
9. Do you follow your horoscope? Oddly enough, not really.
10. Would you move for the person you loved? Absolutely!!
11. Are you touchy feely? Absolutely!!
12. Do you believe that opposites attract? Yes -- people too much like me usually grate on my nerves.
13. Dream job? Owning/running either an adult novelty store or a fantasy-room-themed B&B (or a combination of the two....hmm....)
14. Favorite channels? Food Network, Bravo, TLC, HGTV
15. Favorite place to go on a weekend? the movies
16. Showers or Bath? baths......mmmm, I need to take more baths...
17. Do you paint your nails? Toenails, yes. (you gotta have pretty toes) Fingernails, no. (I pick it off in boredom if I do, then it looks ucky)
18. Do you trust people easily? No. Not at all. And if you break that earned trust, fughetta-bout-it.
19. What are your phobias? Escalators (weird, I know, don't ask); living a boring life; flesh-eating bacteria. WHAT? You asked...
20. Do you want kids? Undecided. Leaning towards probably not.
21. Do you keep a handwritten journal? A dream journal.
22. Where would you rather be right now? Asleep.
23. What makes you feel warm and safe? Down comfortors.
24. Heavy or light sleep? Light sleeper. Dammit.
25. Are you paranoid? No.
26. Are you impatient? YES.
27. Who can you relate to? Mysty. Most of the time. ;)
28. How do you feel about interracial couples? I feel they deserve to find love as much as any other couple does.
29. Have you been burned by love? Yes. But time does heal all wounds.
30. Whats ur life motto? Regrets are a waste of time.
31. What's your main ringtone on your mobile? Sing! Sing! Sing! by Benny Goodman
32. What were you doing at midnight last night? Typing in my blog.
33. Who was your last text message from? Google.
34. Who's bed did you sleep in last night? Mine.
35. What color shirt are you wearing? Light Green.
36. Most recent movie you watched? Munich.
37. Name five things you have on you at all times? Bra. Underwear. Earrings. Glasses. Cell phone.
38. What color are your bed sheets? Light Green.
39. How much cash do you have on you right now? None. Tomorrow's payday.
40. What is your favorite part of chicken? What can I say, I'm all about the breasts (after all, HAVE YOU MET ME?)
41. What's your favorite town/city? San Fransisco or Vegas.
42. Who got you to join LiveJournal? Amanda.
43. What did you have for dinner last night? Fried chicken, corn on the cob & mashed potaoes.
44. How tall are you barefoot? 5'5"
45. Have you ever smoked crack? uh, no. (weird question)
46. Do you own a gun? uh, no. (even weirder)
47. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Iced tea.
48. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex? Boobage. Not so secret, though, they're usually right out there.
49. Do you have A.D.D.? no. what did you say?
50. What time did you wake up today? 7am
51. Current worry? Relationship issues.
52. Current hate? Having to work for a living.
53. Favorite place to be? The massage table.
54. Where would you like to travel? Greece, Prague, Spain.
55. Where do you think you'll be in 10 yrs? No way of knowing.
56. Last thing you ate? Salad. seriously. why are you laughing?
57. What songs do you sing in the shower? I don't. Sorry to disappoint.
58. Last person that made you laugh? Last Comic Standing
59. Worst injury you've ever had? My brother stabbed me in the shin with a pencil when I was 10.
60. Does someone have a crush on you? I don't think so.
61. What is your favorite candy? Caramello.
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| The levels to my Geekdom |
[Jul. 13th, 2006|12:06 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
Oh. My. God. I am sooooooo excited. Not only am I going to Vegas in October, but I just found out that the very weekend I will be there it the ONE WEEKEND that they have the Las Vegas Renaissance Festival!!!! Of course, the only downside to this is that I have just added an extra suitcase to my four day trip, in order to pack my faire garb:
Or maybe I should go all tribal bellydance:
Decisions, decisions.... I am such a geek -- I love it!!! |
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| I'm all tingly |
[Jul. 11th, 2006|10:14 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | satisfied | ] |
So... I have a new favorite beauty product. You see, for Admin Assistant's Day this year, my boss gave me a $100 gift certificate to a local spa (reason #43,761 why I love my new job). The problem is, I truly dislike this particular spa because every time I went in to make an appointment, I got the thin-blonde-bitch-looking-down-her-nose-at-me treatment. Honey, I didn't take that crap when I lived in LA, you think I'm gonna take it from some Wheat State whore? I don't think so...
Anywho, the upside of this place is that they're an Aveda salon, so they sell tons of Aveda products -- which are usually WAY over my budget, but have always been rather coveted since they (a) are not tested on animals, (b) are made with natural products, and not just the fragrances of those products, and (c) dear god do they work!
So MAN OH MAN did I go crazy on products with $100 to spend at will. I know what you're thinking -- "Andrea, you already have 43 shampoos in your linen closet, why do you need another one?" Because it's AVEDA, that's why -- were you not listening AT ALL?!? ;) Ok, and of all my new products, there's one that is, um, FABULOUS!, but for a completely unexpected reason... Their Rosemary Mint Shaving Gel is ah-may-zing. Period.
Besides the fact that it moisturizes BEFORE you shave, and keeps doing it after... Besides the fact that it doesn't run off quickly if the shower cascade accidentally hits your legs as you try to contort yourself in the shower to get your back-upper-thigh region without falling over... It has the wonderful TINGLE side-effect (thank you, mint). The tingle is cool enough on your legs and armpits... But I brazenly decided to use it on the Girlfriend, and OH. MY. GOD. I have never been so aware of my No-No EVER. And I don't just mean in the shower, I mean for HOURS after drying off. And if a slight breeze goes that way, fugghetta-bout-it. Hand me a cigarette. Seriously. This thing should be sold at The Pleasure Chest, not a hair salon.
So, what are you waiting for? GO GET YOUR SHAVE ON, GIRL! |
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| Vegas, here I come! |
[Jul. 7th, 2006|06:26 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | excited | ] |
It's official -- I'm heading to Vegas!!! :D
I've bought the plane tickets and everything (can I say how much I LOVE Southwest's 'Ding!' right now.... round trip tickets from KC to Vegas for $140 -- usually it's about $350, which is why I haven't been able to afford going AT ALL in the past 2 years).
Ok, so I get in at the crack of dawn on Saturday, October 14th & jet out the afternoon of Tuesday, the 17th -- who wants to come play with me?!?!
So far, Mysty's in.... Who else? |
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| First Impressions |
[Jul. 5th, 2006|07:26 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | amused | ] |
I finally figured out this whole layout thing in here (yes, I have designed 2 websites of my own and 3 for other people from the gound up, no templates, and yet the MySpace layout had completely stumped me until now). But no more -- I have conquered it, and been able to use my knowledge of code to manipulate a weak piece of design into something I rather like. For now. Lord knows I can't sit still for very long. For heaven's sake, I change around the layout of my living room more than the folks at Trading Spaces. Actually, I'm thinking about doing a "Layout of the Week" thing.
So, obviously I have a bit more time on my hands lately. I am finally settled into my new job that I started in February, and generally my weekends and evenings are more open to mischeivious amusement as of late. ::grin:: So, on the biggest tangent of the evening, I realized tonight that my profile could make me look like a total boozer. Which is rather hilarious if you know me in person. But, there is truth in everything there, it's all in the subtleties -- like whether you read "Vodka Girl" as "never seen without a vodka in hand" or "prefers to drink vodka on the few occassions she chooses to drink". ::wink::
In other news, in my "more time on my hands" routine, I have had the pleasure of reconnecting with a few fabulous old friends lately who I had pretty much lost touch with since I moved back to The Land of Oz (ps...like my postcard/stamp of KS? I can get you one for your state, too, if you want to). Anywho, that's been a bright spot of my MySpace reincarnation lately. So, START TALKING TO ME PEOPLE -- and let me know you're out there still. And, sorry for neglecting you. Truly.
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| Recipe for mashed potatoes |
[Jun. 26th, 2006|08:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
Tom and I went out to eat last night, and to my dismay, when I asked for mashed potatoes as my "choice of potato" to go with my steak, the waitress promptly replied that they were out of mashed potatoes. First of all, I find it odd that a restaurant can run out of something like mashed potatoes. Maine lobsters, yes, but mashed potatoes???
When I asked the waitress what my other options were, she replied "baked potato or curly fries". When I opted for the baked potato, she then asked if I'd like both butter and sour cream on it... Yes, I would (hello, I am a fat girl, after all).
So let me get this straight, I'm in a restaurant, where they have cooking utensils, baked potatoes, butter, and even sour cream -- but the kitchen staff somehow can't manage to make another batch of mashed potatoes between them? ::bangs head against table::
Maybe they just didn't have the recipe? Afterall, it is one of the more complicated dishes of all the new-fangled restaurant fare... Remind me to put up a recipe for mashed potatoes soon... |
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| Education is the key |
[Jun. 24th, 2006|12:11 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | shocked | ] |
Wow, I hadn't heard of this type of breast cancer before. As with all cancers, early detection and therefore EDUCATION is the key -- and since I didn't even know about this kind of cancer, I want to get this out to all of the women I know --if you're a guy, please pass it on to the women you love.
This is a real newscast, KOMO 4 is a real radio station in Seattle... I checked it out to make sure it wasn't an internet hoax before passing it on to all of you.
Please watch the clip, and check to be safe. Tell all the women you know. As they point out, no one knows their body better than themselves. It's not enough to do monthly exams, which are important. If you have issues don't accept that it is 'just bug bites' -- you can always ask for a biopsy, IT'S YOUR BODY.
Some of the pictures are graphic, but being informed is vital: Inflammatory Breast Cancer KOMO 4 Newscast
Other helpful sites: The Susan G. Komen Foundation
The National Cancer Institute |
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| Savor |
[Jun. 20th, 2006|09:12 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
Dormant for quite awhile now, I have had the idea of reviving my Daily Musings for quite some time. But every time I think I should, and naively declare it so, my declaration turns out to be about as valid as the unsinkable claims of the Titanic's engineer. So if it survives to see another day, so be it... If not, a question from ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) aamandarin got me thinking...
What is there to savor in your life?
I savor the excited glee that escapes from my nieces as they're running to hug me with such force that it their little bodies have enough inertia to nearly knock me over each time.
I savor each weekend I don't have to work, when instead of sitting in a dark theatre far away from friends and family, I am outside in the sunshine surrounded by laughter and love.
I savor the warmth of my Love cuddled up next to me each night -- and the knowledge that this is where I'm meant to be.
I savor the little moments that remind me that I'm an adult in all its glory, from finanace companies contacting me about new credit opportunities to planning vacations that don't involve drunk frat boys or stuffed characters to deciding on delicious details for my house like tile and lighting fixtures.
I savor the idea of a wedding in the near future, surrounded by friends and family, because the I cannot imagine wanting to spend the rest of my life without this boy of mine.
I savor the time now spent trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up -- and if I want to grow up.
I savor the great irony and wonderful bliss of being wrong about so many things I once "knew" -- about marriage, about love, about friends (former and current), even about Kansas.
I savor the hope that the rest of my life will be as interesting as the ride has been thus far. |
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